First half of October

Hi Everybody,
I have not added new email addresses to my list in a while. So if you are forwarding my updates to folks who don’t receive them, please continue to do so.

I am working through Psalm 23. When I have time, I like to journal and reading David’s words to our God, fills my soul. If you have poems, commentaries, or quotes about Psalm 23, please send them to me. And there is a recent contemporary Christian artist who sings the Psalm to a tune I have stuck in my head. If you know of it, please tell me.

Last week, this week, and next week.

October 1 was Chloe’s 3rd Birthday, we celebrated numerous times. And we flew from NC to NY. Pearl River NY is the location of AIM’s US Sending Office. We spent a long weekend being spoiled by AIMers in the office. They have hospitality suites right at their location that we stayed in.

October 2, My kids were completely occupied, entertained, and cared for by terrific ladies. I spent the morning visiting offices, completing paperwork related to this huge change in our lives. I have to close our checking account and open a new one. I completed the forms for receiving Ryan’s life insurance. I turned in receipts for reimbursement from Ryan’s Memorial Fund. I debriefed with someone from Member Care. I talked with logistics about buying a generator to keep our house lit in Kenya which is struggling with power outages several days a week. I went out for lunch with Ruth and then walked through IKEA.

October 3, My children were whisked away first thing in the morning and I slept in til 11 am. Then at 2 pm I was whisked away to a spa, and pampered myself. I was so relaxed at the end of the day. After putting the kids to bed, I went to a friend’s house for a visit.

October 4, the kids went to a park to play. I went to Nyack State Park and walked around for 1 ½ hours. This is where Ryan proposed to me 9 years ago. It was nice to visit it again. Then we flew to MI to stay at my parents.

October 5, the kids played outside almost the whole day on Babu’s (my dad) go-carts, garden tractor, and little jeep. My mom did laundry the whole day. And I walked through almost every aisle of Meijer. I love grocery stores. They are so relaxing to me. That night Diane (my sister) and I went shoe shopping.

October 6, I am meeting with 3 pastors to finalize the memorial service for Saturday. It’s at my parents church here in Holland. And I’m getting a haircut.

October 7-9, More of the same will probably be happening.

October 10 is our final memorial service for Ryan. I am ready to be finished but I’m glad we did it 3 times in 3 different locations.

Dean and Sarah (brother and his wife) will be here for the weekend with their 3 kids. And Dale and Celeste will be flying in for the weekend. Twill be a full house!

How am I?

How many of you skipped the calendar and started reading here? I don’t blame you.

I grieved and mourned a lot the month of August in Kenya. Since we have been in the states, I would say I am only coping. It’s been stressful. As many missionaries have written me and pointed out, just visiting the states in incredibly stressful. But to do it without my spouse, compounds all of it. We had a good month in September but we traveled A LOT!

And October in MI is just as busy. I know that friends and family in the states are stuck in their grief until they see me and the kids without Ryan. That is why we made this trip, to make it real for people and to bring some closure. But it has also stunted my grief process. In a way I’ve had to pause in my walk through this valley and let people catch up. That’s been hard. After this final memorial service, I plan to start walking again, slowly. Sunday will be a day of rest with my family (Ryan’s parents included). And on Monday I get to fall apart. I’ve been counting the days until Tiffany and I go on our retreat. Often I think, if I can just hold it together until then.

Monday October 12 I start an in depth retreat for 5 nights and 6 days. Monday I drive to GR, and have counseling. Then I pick Tiffany up from the airport and we drive an hour to our secluded luxury cottage. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday we continue to receive counseling and solitude. I really miss Tiffany and can’t wait to see her. I need this safe place to let down my guard and grieve. I need to be away from my kids for a week and not have parenting responsibilities. My mom and dad are taking care of my kids. Tiffany’s mom and dad are taking care of her 4 kids.

On Saturday I want to show Tiffany around where I grew up and then bring her back to the airport. I hope I am ready to take on my mantel of responsibilities by then.

Thanks for praying,

I am trying to compile a list of those who gave to us personally, outside of the memorial fund.

If you gave something to me, could you remind me, through email.

Thanks Dawn