Life between Ryan's death and his memorial service

Hi Friends,
A nice article was placed in the paper of Holland MI, where I grew up. I’ve sent the link.

I went to Frank’s memorial service on Tuesday. His life glorified God and the service honored the man Frank was.

Now I am in the middle of planning Ryan’s service for Saturday. My pastor is working on the service. I’ve asked several people to share memories of Ryan. Our media team is putting together a video to be shown at the service, and countless other details are being attended too.

The kids are doing well enough. I think they are in shock and disbelief, grieving appropriately. Chloe and Seth can tell me that daddy died, but don’t really understand. Caleb and Levi understand much more.

I’m tired. Last week was consumed with supporting Tiffany as she grieved for Frank, visiting Ryan in the hospital and being his advocate, and trying to keep my kids needs met. This week is grieving, accepting help from both my parents and Ryan’s parents who are all here, and being loved by my missionary family. I would say I am in denial. I know it’s true, but I can’t believe it deep down inside. I’m not looking for him, but have been too surrounded by people to feel lonely yet.

In South Africa, I was able to spend as much time as I needed with the body that Ryan left behind. I truly was able to say good-bye and grieve then. His memorial service will be videoed, I think this will be important for the kids to see again as they get older. To hear what others said about their dad. Right now I’m not nervous about Saturday. I don’t care if I stay strong or if I break down and weep. Both are ok with me.

Next week I will return to the job of getting Chloe’s paperwork finished. That kind of went on hold when I flew to SA on Friday, I didn’t get there in time to see him alive but am so glad I got to see him one last time. The coffin is sealed now, so that was my last time. And this week, I needed to take a week off from adoption. I don’t see any problems ahead with our traveling to the USA in the next few weeks. I hope to have two more memorial services, one in Florida and one in Michigan. I will keep you posted.

Then in October or November me and the kids plan to return to Kenya to finish this term. Our Home Assignment is still planned for March 2010. We will be spending one year in the states, as Ryan and I had originally planned. Then I feel I will be able to make better decisions about what my ministry might look like when we come back to Kenya. Ryan and I talked a lot about what we each would do if we lost each other. And we both wanted to remain on the field because we both felt called to missions. AIM is very supportive and willing to work with me on that.

Thanks for all your prayers, believe me, I feel them.

Dawn

http://www.hollandsentinel.com/lifestyle_religion/x1528790702/Holland-mom-widowed-after-missionary-plane-crashes-in-Africa